Another week successfully navigated. I’m moving forward on my projects. I’m excited about the future and even enthusiastic about the work. Although, I will admit to a certain dread over sitting here at the laptop for hours editing the video I’ve already shot. It’s not the editing itself that is so daunting as the extended time spent staring at my own image and the self judgment that ensues. I’ve chosen to view this as an exercise in getting over myself.
When I look at the issue squarely, it comes down to this. I actually have a pretty high opinion of myself. I like me. I enjoy spending time with myself. So, I don’t think I’m operating with any sense of self-loathing. In fact it may be the opposite. I may actually have too high of an opinion of myself and therefore can’t help but be a little disappointed when the camera holds up a mirror. Given that the only mirror the camera can show is a physical one it also kinda indicates that I’m a little on the shallow side.
Regardless, this is an exercise that should do me good and hold me accountable to what’s real. This is you, Dave. This is what you look like. This is how you move. Only when you can face the realities of where you are can you do anything about them.
One more thing I’ve come to recognize in this process is how completion oriented I have become. In my younger years I fancied myself a stoner mystic. I practiced internal martial arts (Tai Chi, Baqua, Xingyi) and read a lot of Chinese philosophy and I smoked a lot of pot. I was particularly taken with the Tao Te Jing and the Chuang-Tzu. The doing without doing of Taoism really seemed like my jam. “It’s not the destination, Dude, it’s the ride.”
Don’t get me wrong. I still see a tremendous amount of value in that concept. I just recognize that my attainment of that state of bliss falls short when I’m not high 24/7. Go figure.
My buddy, Ned, brought this whole idea home recently when he shared a YouTube channel he’d been following lately, a guy named Nik Rijavec. Nik’s channel has been around for a while. He started back in 2014. He’s got a little over 100 videos with over 32 million views. As an aside, I also have a YouTube channel. I don’t have that many videos nor near as many views.
I have fully fallen into Nik’s channel. Especially the stuff he’s been doing for the last two years. In November 2018, he started posting a video diary about building a log cabin in the mountains of Slovenia. His videos fall into a category I call work porn. He might end the video with a little commentary but the vast majority of it is just him working on this project. According to Ned, his latest video is up and he’s just gotten the roof up. For the most part he’s doing this job by himself.
There are many reasons I like watching this. His saw skills are sick. He claims to be self taught and just “figuring this out” but he’s a talented builder and his skills are way above the amateur. The scenery is stunning; beautiful mountain-scapes of spruce, cloud filled valleys. It’s just pretty to watch. But the best thing for me is that he’s not in a hurry. There’s no rush. He seems perfectly focused on the task at hand. He knows this is a big project and it’s going to take a long time. Hence, there’s no need to finish - now. Accomplishment is redefined. It should also be noted, this not Grizzly Adams’ one room cabin, but a full sized house. I watch these videos to be reminded of the importance of process and in the hopes that once reminded I can better internalize.
Speaking of Ned. He and I just re-launched our podcast, Hellifiknow. Our latest episode is up on Patreon and is available for free. If you’d like to give it a listen we’d be appreciative. It’s just two forty-something dudes talking about life and our experiences with the full understanding that we don’t really know anything. I’m hoping for two episodes a month to start with and I’ve already developed a list of future guests. Now just to convince them to come on the air with us...