85 days…and counting

So, by my count I have 85 days left in this diet Eric Hulse has prescribed for me.

I have never wanted a summer to pass so quickly before.

At present I feel like shit. My muscles feel flat, my energy is low and every little ache and pain is glaringly apparent. Oh yeah, and my attitude and general demeanor are shitty, too. If you can’t tell I’m an absolute joy to be around and here we are just five days in.

The first part of the week wasn’t so bad but I totally bottomed out on Friday.

I don’t know if was toxins released by the massage I had that morning or that I’d finally burned through all of the carb crap I ate in Asheville the previous weekend. All I know is that by Friday afternoon I was worthless. My whole body was just one big ache and I became this surly, whiny-assed bitch. It’s a wonder I’m still married.

I bailed early on my workout that day. Saturday I focused on some mobility work and cut the grass at the gym — it took twice as long. That afternoon I helped a friend demolish at wall as part of an ongoing home renovation. The whole time I felt like I was moving like a sixty year old man (no offense to sixty year old men, intended).

Sunday I tried to take it easy. Samantha and I went to Costco where I bought all the food that fit the demands of my diet. For lunch she made me a beautiful salad with pork, avocado, mango and tomatoes. I also had half a baked potato with salt, pepper and olive oil. It all just sat like a rock in my gut. Clearly my digestive track is every bit as pissed as I am.

I ended up napping all afternoon and missing a chance to go to the river with my girls.

Today has been marginally better. I stopped at Home Depot to pick up a 3/4″ sheet of plywood to add an honest to goodness weightlifting platform to the gym. While there I was reminded of a video I recently watched by Eric’s brother, Elliott, on overtraining. In it he offers a simple test. At the beginning of cycle grip a loaded bar and hold it in a dead hang. Time how long you can hold that bar before your grip fails. Later on in the cycle test yourself by again holding the same weight. If you can’t make the same time you know you’re getting weaker and are overtrained. Take a break.

When I pinch gripped the sheet of plywood and went to lift it off the floor to put it into the cart it didn’t move. That didn’t use to be a problem. In fact that was something relatively easy for me back in my stoner carpenter days. What the fuck?

I decided I wasn’t training today and that I’d just focus on building the platform and doing some foam rolling. I am glad I set the bar so low. Otherwise I wouldn’t have the grand sense of accomplishment I now feel at 3:30 in the afternoon. Yay, me.

To make matters worse, I just took my blood pressure — 136/94 with a pulse of 79. That’s the lowest I’ve seen it since I started checking it. That also means the diet is working. Damn.

I felt better when I was supposedly more “unhealthy.”

I’d be happy to share all of this vitriol with Eric but it’s just my luck that immediately following our consultation he left for a ten day silent meditation retreat. I’m on my own until the weekend at any rate.

All I can do for now is to hope that some metabolic switch is going to kick over and I can make better use of the food I’m eating. That or the $300 I spent on supplements last Thursday prove worth the money I paid for them — when they finally get here, that is.


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